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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23705536">me and you (and the space between)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twosetviolin, Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Insomnia, M/M, OR IS IT, Unrequited Love, also this is sort of a ‘you decide’ kind of ending, basically me thinking about how i always write them in relationships or getting into one, but friendship is so good and important, friendship!!! so important!!!, i’ll explain in the end notes lol, sticking with each other even through the more difficult times, this was a 3am struggle lmao</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:54:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23705536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>brett closes his eyes like he’s told, tangles the blanket in nervous fingers as he waits- suddenly there’s fingers sliding slow over his features, mapping out his expression before slotting carefully into place over his jaw- eddy’s forehead, pressing just barely against his own-</p><p>and <i>this-</i> this must be the breaking point, he thinks-  it’s so hard to keep <i>pretending.</i></p><p>“eddy,” he tries, almost desperate-</p><p>“i know,” eddy whispers, words fanning over brett’s lips. “just- please. if nothing else, let me have this.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eddy Chen/Brett Yang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>me and you (and the space between)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello! i wrote this pretty much all in one go at like 3am so i am really hoping this makes sense. partially inspired by twosetweek’s april 16th prompt “uncertainty” ! (aka it sort of fits so i am making it for twosetweek lol.) hope you enjoy! please feel free to ask any questions in the comments or my dms</p><p>also partially inspired by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23649289">this</a> fic by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/enlaurement24/pseuds/enlaurement24"> enlaurement24</a> ! (if you’re reading this hi i love your prose) please give it a read, as well as their other works!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>it’s easy, at first, to pretend like everything’s like it’s always been. </p><p>when it starts, it’s just simple, fleeting things: the brush of eddy’s fingers down his arm, the little tremor when brett leans over his shoulder to point out something on his laptop. the way eddy looks up at him sometimes like he’s just given him the stars, like <em> brett </em> put those stars in his eyes, so bright and hopeful and <em> awestruck, </em>is a little harder to ignore, but-</p><p>but those moments are few and far between, so brett keeps pretending.</p><p>but then begins the bigger things, like eddy buying him even things he’s only mentioned in passing- his ability to recall brett’s every word down to the letter, like every phrase is something precious, to have and to hold- the way eddy’s gaze flicks down to his lips and <em> stays </em>there until brett draws him out of whatever reverie he’d been lost in.</p><p>but eddy doesn’t say anything, so he won’t, either.</p><p>he tries not to think about it when eddy’s arm curls hesitant around his shoulders as they huddle together on the floor in front of the tv, some weird b-movie horror nonsense they’d normally have no exhaustion of jokes for- but tonight is silent, the only things leaving their lips being strange little huffs of laughter caught halfway between <em> comfortable </em> and <em> nervous. </em> this is weird. this whole thing is weird. they’re both trying to act like everything is normal when it’s <em> not, </em> when one half of their friendship is teetering on the edge of something unexplored, something <em> dangerous- </em></p><p>brett sits up abruptly, staring into the bright lights and colors of the tv. he can feel eddy’s gaze on his back, questioning and maybe a little bit anxious- brett emits a soft sigh, steels himself, settles back into place under eddy’s heavy arm. eddy relaxes immediately back into his side, his relief almost <em> tangible </em>in the air between them, and brett’s resolve solidifies.</p><p>he can pretend for a little longer. </p><p>for eddy’s sake.</p><p>it all boils over on another one of their little movie nights, when eddy suddenly twists to face brett where he sits next to him on the couch, their shared blanket shifting away from brett’s body as eddy scoots slowly closer.</p><p>he opens his mouth, meaning to say something, but even if he had the words, he’s not sure he could sound them out- eddy is close, almost uncomfortably so, staring at him with that painfully familiar expression brett has grown to recognize so well. eddy whispers his request, and brett closes his eyes like he’s told, tangles the blanket in nervous fingers as he waits- suddenly there’s fingers sliding slow over his features, mapping out his expression before slotting carefully into place over his jaw- eddy’s forehead, pressing just barely against his own-</p><p>and <em> this- </em> this must be the breaking point, he thinks- it’s so hard to keep <em> pretending. </em></p><p>“eddy,” he tries, almost desperate-</p><p>“i know,” eddy whispers, words fanning over brett’s lips. “just- please. if nothing else, let me have this.”</p><p>brett falls silent, and they sit there like that for what feels like eternity- he understands, of course, the truth of brett’s feelings- or lack thereof. eddy <em> has </em> always known brett better than he knows himself, but it’s… bittersweet, to see it put into practice in this situation. eddy’s hands slide down to rest easy over the junction between his shoulder and neck, and after a few more moments he breaks their contact. brett doesn’t open his eyes just yet, he <em> refuses </em> to, because that means he has to face <em> eddy </em> looking at him like <em> that-  </em></p><p>and then comes the press of chapped lips to his forehead, that same point that had connected them, before- eddy kisses his skin slow, and sweet, and gentle, and brett’s heart breaks in more ways than one, because he doesn’t <em> deserve </em> this- why couldn’t it have been someone that- someone who would have loved him in the way he <em> needs- </em></p><p>“it’s okay,” eddy murmurs, bringing brett’s thoughts to an abrupt halt. “it’s not… it’s not your fault. don’t worry, okay?” brett opens his eyes to see the watery smile of his best friend, and <em> god, </em>the corners of his lips are wavering- “i’ll be okay, brett.”</p><p>brett forces himself to tear his gaze away. he can’t look at eddy, not now- not when, even tinged with heartache, that expression of <em> adoration </em>is still clear as day.</p><p>it’s a few nights later, when eddy’s insomnia eventually rears its cruel head once more, that brett looks up from his book, sees him hovering uncertain in the doorway. brett’s no stranger to nights like these, filled with gentle touches and murmured conversations and the gradual slowing of eddy’s breaths as he tucks himself beneath brett’s chin- but this time, it feels different.<em> of course it feels different, </em> a voice snaps in his head, but he shoves it down.</p><p>eddy looks so… <em> lost, </em> standing there like that- his eyes flick between meeting brett’s and staring down at the floor, like he doesn’t want to look at him directly for too long. his face looks almost <em> apologetic, </em> body curling in and making him look smaller than normal, like he’s not the <em> presence </em>brett’s known all his life, the one taking up all the space in the room and drawing all of his attention. something like guilt tugs at brett’s heartstrings, to have reduced eddy to such a shell of himself. he doesn’t deserve it, to have this kind of influence over eddy. </p><p>his hands move before the rest of him can catch up, setting his book aside and waving him closer. he can see it, the genuine remorse growing heavier and heavier on eddy’s shoulders with every step he takes towards the bed- his mouth opens, and brett sees it threaten to spill over his lips, out into the open, but brett can’t bear to hear it. instead he cuts off the rising tide, murmurs an “it’s okay,” offers a weak attempt at a reassuring smile, and tries not to think about how eddy had said those exact words a few nights ago. eddy settles carefully between his arms, still refusing to look at him, and brett feels a sudden and acute lack of confidence, of surety. is it okay to want to hold him? to comb his fingers through his hair like he’s always done?</p><p>there’s a more accusatory part of him, a hateful little thing, that wants to be angry with eddy, for letting emotions tip their relationship into imbalance, for making brett feel like he shouldn’t be doing the things he’s always done. for making him almost want to step back and give eddy the space between them they haven’t had in years…  and most of all, for making brett feel like he’s the cause of eddy’s misery.</p><p>because that’s all it comes down to, isn’t it? he loves eddy. he wants to see him happy. he wants to hear his startled laughter as brett’s fingers dig playfully into his side, wants to feel his elbow pressing sharp into his stomach as they wrestle over something stupid. he wants to see that smile again, that brilliance that had been a constant in brett’s life for all these years. </p><p>he wants things to feel <em> right </em>between them again.</p><p>and it almost hurts that eddy is still so adamantly stiff, seeking comfort but refusing to let himself have it, and brett’s appreciation for him amplifies thousandfold, overshadowing any remaining feelings of guilt or anger- his fingers twitch up to card through eddy’s brown locks, and this time, he doesn’t stop himself from the little act of comfort. eddy flinches, but brett powers through the ensuing urge to pull his hand away, waits for eddy to ease into his touch and pillow his head on brett’s chest. </p><p>eddy’s never thought about himself first, not even here- he’s still thinking of brett, and <em> his </em>feelings, despite how strong his own must be. </p><p>“is it-” eddy whispers, after a few moments, and then stops, like he’s trying to work through the conversation in his head- brett hums in acknowledgement, prompting him to continue. eddy swallows, and brett can feel it when he speaks again, words buzzing against his chest. “is it really okay?”</p><p>brett thinks back on all the times he’s heard it before, countless nights of eddy curling against his chest with that question on his lips- but of course, like everything else, this time is <em> different. </em> it’s less about the way eddy’s fingers curl into his shirt, like he’s trying to ground himself, and more about the way he <em> looks </em> at him, however fleeting the gaze- like brett is gravity itself, drawing him in and keeping him close-</p><p>but brett’s no stranger to <em> that </em> feeling, either- not when <em> eddy </em> and <em> home </em>have been synonymous in his heart for more than a decade. not when they always come back to one another, two celestial bodies forever in each other’s orbit, enraptured by the other’s gravity. </p><p>brett nods, slowly, something deep within him starting to resonate with understanding. eddy relaxes into brett’s quiet acceptance, limbs growing heavy where they tangle in brett’s own, and <em> it </em> <span class="u"> <em> is</em></span><em>, </em> brett thinks. <em> it’s okay. </em> everything <em> is </em> how it’s always been, really- it’s just another layer to things, adding another little knot to the strings tying their lives together.</p><p>when brett stirs awake the next morning to sunlight streaming in warm and comforting through the window blinds, the sounds of his best friend clattering around in the kitchen like always, he feels that same little thrum in his heart- just a little bit stronger, now, in the light of day. he stretches, slow and careful, and when his back pops, something else within him seems to slide carefully into place.</p><p>he thinks, maybe, that he doesn’t have to pretend, anymore. </p><p>he makes his way to the kitchen, and a shriek of shocked laughter echoes through the apartment as he pokes eddy’s side on his way past. eddy makes a face like he’s trying for affronted but got stuck somewhere around fondness, muttering a petulant “well good morning to you too,” and brett hides his grin in his mug of coffee.</p><p>he and eddy will be alright.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so... yeah! i left the ending sort of ambiguous so you can decide whether brett returns eddy’s feelings or not. i wrote this mainly with the intention to show that brett and eddy will always come back to one another, despite any bumps in the road, with an emphasis on their friendship as a whole. but of course they can still get together if you’d like, it’s entirely up to you!</p><p>once again i’m sorry if this was a bit rambling or confusing but please feel free to ask questions! also if you’re looking for a friend or someone to talk to my dms are always open :D</p><p>hope you liked it, and thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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